Humor
Published: 16/12/2007
Is it because I'm blond or don't I get out enough? The grocery store bagger put a "Thank You For Shopping Here" sticker on one of our paper bags. I thought it was supermarket PR. Who knew it was code for purchases paid for - not stolen.
Have you ever wondered why fresh flowers are put in...
Published: 16/12/2007
When you think pollution, you're thinking dirty thoughts - but not just about the environment. Our language becomes less pure every day. Being anxious about it used to mean you were worried; but because so many people used the word incorrectly, now saying you're anxious can mean you're eagerly...
Published: 16/12/2007
The best thing about unexpected guests - yes, there is a best thing - is that you have no expectations.
Until a few years ago I thought a phone call announcing the imminent arrival of an unexpected guest qualified as an obscene phone call. Now I can be ready in minutes.
First, I postpone...
Published: 16/12/2007
What do remodeling and marriage have in common? Compromise. Saying, "I do" was the beginning of saying "we" and saying we wanted to remodel our new house was the beginning of saying "why".
The remodeling of the bathrooms was meant to start today, but it's been postponed. The contractor's...
Published: 16/12/2007
W.C. Fields said, "All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia". It's what he sarcastically suggested as his epitaph.
I'd rather be in Philadelphia than have my annual physical. The tests don't bother me - although being a Type A personality makes me want to study for them. Asking as...
Published: 16/12/2007
"Older, but wiser" doesn't apply to me. When my governor campaigned for his job, he said he was wealthy - he wouldn't need special interest money. There must be a difference between need and want.
When I was trying to raise money for a special interest of mine, I didn't expect a donation...
Published: 16/12/2007
Because I grew up in a house of females, I thought a man was a woman with a penis. When I left that house as a newlywed, I thought a man wanted to share his feelings, as well as his life. Wrong. Even those who are in touch with their feminine side don't know how to talk about it.
Eventually I...
Published: 16/12/2007
Sometimes when I look in the mirror, I think I'm the "am" in my own "scam". Permanent makeup, cosmetic dentistry, colored hair - I call it the Walter Cronkite Syndrome. Men have character lines; women have wrinkles. Men age; women get old. I think God used one of Adam's ribs to make Eve so...
Published: 16/12/2007
I don't understand people who think they're too old for birthdays. Don't they know there's lots of people who'd love to be their age? Don't they read the obituaries?
I tried to share my feelings about birthdays with my husband. Of course, any discussion about feelings with a man is a short...
Published: 16/12/2007
I've come to the conclusion that confusion is our fifty-first state. Take men, for example. I was fathered by a man, married one and gave birth to two - but I still don't understand them. When I told a lesbian friend I envied her because she had a partner who shared feelings, she laughed and said...
