Its my job to hypnotize people to stop smoking. I also hypnotize people to create outrageous new possibilities in their lives. But helping people rid themselves of a life-threatening, debilitating habit is what makes me jump out of bed in the morning.





So if youd like to know how to help a man make the decision and take the actions to stop smoking, youre in the right place. But you need to understand some things first:





1. Men Vs. Women Smokers





Many of my smoking cessation clients are women. They awaken one day with this feeling inside and say: Im going to stop smoking!





Sometimes its because they want to get pregnant. Or because they worry about the link between smoking and various cancers, heart conditions, or other diseases that affect women. Sometimes its because they know they smell like smoke, or theyre wasting money, or its getting harder to breathe when they exercise.





Sometimes its because a cute little girl said, Mommy, I wanna smoke, just like you.





So they make the decision, and then call me and ask how soon they can come in. If I said, Five minutes from now, theyd manage to arrive on time, no matter how far away they live. Thats how women smokers act when they quit for good. But men? Well





2. Men Are Different And What That Means





Im going to be doing some generalizing here, so buckle your seatbelt and know that Im trying to make important points that apply to many male smokers, if not all. Mea culpa, but I believe its important.





To a man, smoking means something different than to a woman.





To a woman (alert: Im generalizing again), its a way to hang out with her smoking friends; something to do with her hands; an ill-advised method for keeping her weight down (she believes) and a way to create some smoke curls that (she believes) make her look elegant, graceful, and interesting.





To a man, though he wont admit it, its tied up with his manhood.





It doesnt really matter how, when or why he began smoking, but here are the favorites:





he learned at his fathers knee


he tried his first cigarette with a crowd of other boys


he took it up because John Wayne smoked


he wanted to rebel


he wanted to feel okay as a loner


hell look like hes doing something so the woman he loves will leave him alone


he smokes outside his office building so he can bond with his boss


he started (again) because George Clooney looked so cool smoking in Good Night and Good Luck (substitute any hot male star in any noteworthy film)





Regardless which scenario, its about masculinity and what that means to him.





3. Ways To Encourage A Man To Stop Smoking





There are four or five solid ways to get a guy to stop smoking. And a hundred ways to make him smoke more in your attempt to get him to stop. If youre a woman who loves a man who smokes, you know many of the hundred. When I retire, I may compile them all. In the meantime, here are some of the ways that have been tried.





4. Worst Ways





nagging him


getting his mother to nag him


showing him articles that say smoking = death


showing him articles that say smoking leads to a long list of horrible diseases


asking his doctor to tell him, especially if he finds out you did


saying he stinks, literally


saying you wont have sex with him if he continues to smoke


saying his cough sounds symptomatic of something horrible


reminding him he swore he would stop


naming friends, relatives and celebrities who are ill or dead due to smoking





These dont work because for most men because every time you make the argument, it will trigger an answer that proves its not true for him. Remind him that so-and-so died of lung cancer, and hell remember that so-and-so smoked filterless cigarettes, smoked more often and longer.





Every time you nag, hell offer himself a counter-example. Every time you demonstrate why he shouldnt smoke, hell see how his situation is different.





Soon he may tune out your voice entirely when he knows a stop-smoking argument is coming.





5. Best Ways





A. He discovers for himselfphysical effects in his own body, or stories about a close friend who is very sick, or news stories, or a very smart doctor who knows how to talk to men directly without being an alarmist. He makes the decision.





B. A child tells him, innocently and disingenuously. Kids say the darnedest things. And spoken with such innocence, it could make a stone cry. Especially if the child is the mans own blood. (Bribery is okay for this good cause; just make sure the kid stays quiet.)





C. He reads an article that hits so close to home, he cant ignore it. He just happened to find this article in the house.





D. He hears from his wife or a beloved daughter these words: Im having a baby! A first (grand)child or a late-in-life baby are especially compelling.





E. A combination of any of the above.





6. What To Say When A Man Tells You He Is Stopping Smoking





Be pleasantly surprised, even if you were prepping this for months. Be pleased, and dont offer to help. Let him ask.





Avoid saying Its about time or I told you youd better. Instead try Thats great. Then stop. If he looks like he is trusting you not to nag, you might quietly add Can I do anything? but if youve been a nag, steer clear of even that.





Dont ask about his progress, let him tell you. If he chooses to talk, be supportive and proud of him, as if the idea was all his. Because, truthfully, it was.





Enjoy knowing you got what you wanted. Keep this enjoyment private.